Who I Am vs. What I've Done

Introduction

What defines someone’s success?

Is it others to judge or is it solely up to ourselves?

My Are you Interested or Interesting? It boils down to two simple words. We’ll come back to them in a minute.

Happiness

Most successful people will tell you that money rarely leads to happiness.

They might even tell you the opposite: happiness leads to success !

I’ve heard from many successful entrepreneurs (who’ve exited), it’s true: money provides safety, predictability, and access to things or places.

Money can make life easier, enabling you to focus on what truly makes you happy. But, the money itself doesn’t necessarily make us happy. Successful entrepreneurs will tell you all these things; but they don’t believe it (or act that way) themselves.

Culture Change

Warren Susman was a well-known author and history professor at Rutgers University during the 70’s and 80’s. He was most known for his studies in United States culture.

One of his most popular publications: Culture as History: the Transformation of American Society in the Twentieth Century discusses the impact culture has had on society over the last century. It’s quite fascinating. If you haven’t read it, add it to your list.

Self-Help Books

Susman was said to be “one of the transformative minds of his generation”. During his research he documented 200 years worth of self-help books. He read these books in chronological order, making notes of their key messages and evolution.

He noted one very significant change in messaging right around the 20th century. Susman believed this change formed two distinct periods of culture in US history.

19th Century

During the 19th century, the US was primarily a farming society. People rarely left their home towns. The only people they knew lived within 100 miles of one another. However, these people formed a very important community that everyone relied on to survive.

We think of people during this time as having qualities like being helpful, reliable, and self-less.

People greatly valued another person’s character and they would do anything to protect theirs.

• “Is he/she a good person?
• “Is he/she generous?”
• “Does he/she provide value to our community?”

This is how people wanted to be know by and thought of.

Susman called this the Culture of Character .

20th Century

At the turn of the 20th century, the US was going through a radical change with the industrial revolution.

People evolved from a society of farming - where they never left their homes - to one of big cities and booming business.

During this time, we think of people with qualities like knowledge, strong communication skills and wealth.

People valued another person’s “personality” more so than ever.

• “Is he/she outgoing?”
• “Is he/she a good public speaker?”
• “Is he/she liked among his/her peers?”

These were the qualities that defined another person’s success.

Susman called this the Culture of Personality .

Who defines our success?

The cultures of character and personality can still be seen today juxtaposed between the different cultures of companies, friends and even still amongst communities.

More than ever, these cultures drive behaviors aligned with how people value and measure success.

Companies

For companies, it’s probably simple: it comes down to making money for shareholders.

Employees must thrive within this culture or move on.

Success is defined and handed to us by way of sales quotas, manufacturing targets, etc. and this is how our worth is measured.

Individuals

For individuals, it’s a bit more complex (or at least we make it that way).

The biggest challenge is whom we allow to define our success.

“Trying your best is all that matters”

We teach our children that material possessions don’t define us and that “Trying your best is all that matters”.

Yet, we go into outrageous amounts of debt to buy bigger homes and cars because we believe these things portray an achievement of success to others. And we are pushing our kids earlier and earlier into things like sports or clubs.

Interested vs. Interesting

I propose that we can replace Susman’s cultures with labels that also describe who we let define our success.

Success is in the eye of the beholder.

Interested

Culture of Character = Interested

People who obsess about being interested in others and improving themselves find the act of reflection and personal accountability rewarding. This makes them “successful”.

By focusing more on improving one’s self, these people are rewarded knowing they are doing their best to play a valuable role in society. Their goals are always the same, and it is much easier to find success and happiness within them.

Interesting

Culture of Personality = Interesting

People who obsess over being seen as interesting are always seeking acceptance from other people (which is harder to control/gain). The more achievements and statuses one accumulates, the more success he or she is seen to to have. This makes them “successful”.

However, the more successful people are, the more people will define new thresholds of success. Generally, these people struggle to find happiness with what they’ve done because the threshold is constantly being pushed, and it is never good enough.

Summary

Definition of “success” is in our hands.

I’m not proposing that we give up all efforts towards anything material or ignore what others think of us completely.

This isn’t an all or nothing topic.

Call to Action: We should spend more time reflecting on how we allow success to be defined…and who is in control of that definition.

If we allow others to drive it, will we always be chasing the next big thing? Maybe for some people, during some situations, that’s ok. We can also spend time working on the things within our control. With that, our ability to achieve “success” (and happiness)!